Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I wrote on this post several months ago, when my son was 9 months old. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. And be there when they come back. Thats good too; try to see that. You are unhappy and your son and you dont have much fun together. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. Sep. 5, 2016. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. Just show you love them and never give up on them. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. Thanks, Mai!!! First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. I am drained to the point where I Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. I just want it with me too. On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. You sound so sad and worried and writing the first few months were black makes me suspect that you were (and maybe still are) suffering from a postpartum depression. Mom's Question: You can never get this time back. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. Try different positions 5. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. Here you go honey!. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. This is painful, really painful. thanks for listening to my views. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. Its been like this since he was a newborn. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. Its absolutely heartbreaking to me. My mom says this is wrong and that i should just let her go. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Hi, mummys! Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. I am in the same boat. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. At 15 months, she lives in the present. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. Hang in there! it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Congratulations on your little daughter! Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Pls help. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. thanks again! So a temporary solution is essential. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. Moms Question: My daughter is 15months old. I KNOW your baby loves you. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. Been that way for the past year now. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? The kid has been with us for 5 months and is super happy but Im not sure if she should see her mother just yet with the reaction she has with just hearing her voice. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. So chin up, head down. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! she is three now. It was more about me I think than him. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. You can read more about baby development at different months here. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? Must be very painful for the mother. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. Playing with her, cuddling her, holding her, rocking her to sleepif I could sing her to sleep it was rare. there babys there used to those that give them there needs and time and attention Im going on my 3rd baby and what i find affective is how the care provider response when you get there Im always excited and hug and kiss daddy when he is home and thats how my children respond they love daddy but when they want or need something its always mommy and believe me some time i want it to be daddy, MY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREFERS ANYONE BUT ME, EVEN THO I BREAST FEED, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL, I TRY NO TO SPOIL HER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY DAUGHTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NICE AND SO ON I NEVER HAD A POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION SO IT CANT BE THATIM LAID OFF SO IM WITH HER 24/7 NO ONE HAS EVER BABY SET HER I DONT HAVE MY PARENTS NEAR OR ANY FAMILY, BUT MY HUSBAND FAMILY COME OVER AROUND TWICE A WEEK I ALWAYS WANTED HER TO BE OPEN WITH PEOPLE AND NOT TO BE SHY SO I THAGTH HER TO LOVE EVERY ONE ESPECIALLY HER GRANDMOTHER BUT NOW I THINK I DID MISTAKE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANY MORE :( IS DEPRESSING ME NOW PLEASE HELP ME..IAM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES THANK YOU. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. Just being honest with you. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. I was scared of her! Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. While the rate for men with children under 18 hovered between 92.2% and 95.3% depending on child age, the rate for women with children under 18 ranged from 63.8% and 77%. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! Make sure you give her 100% of your attention for at least 30 minutes each day and have FUN together during those 30 minutes. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. You are obviously there for your son. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. I dont get it. baby rejecting mom after going back to work I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. And do things together all of you. She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. Quote #4. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. This has been for pretty much his whole life. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. why does he do this?? I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. I just want to cry and cry. But I dont get a look in. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. And then I would try to get busy with something else and just basically not make a bigger deal than it already was for me. Instead, these are 3 things that I didn't expect to be blessed with when going back to work. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. So chin up, even when its hard. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. we have gotten into many fights because she is always questioning all i do and getting involved with me and him since i came home from the hospital every single morning she came in the room and took him at first i though it was OK but ten she never stopped and when I didnt wanna give her to him she slammed the door or would get mad. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. Am a single mum living with my parents. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. Which is great but I feel useless. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. Hi sad dad, I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. Warm wishes, I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. My son is fine with me round anyone else. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. I dont know what to do. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. He will go to my parents or my husband before he would come to me. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. I have a 11 month old little girl. Take your baby for a casual walk. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Still, for those of us who are lucky enough to have companies that offer small amounts of paid maternity leave, it's still much shorter than most other countries and often ends far before mom and baby are ready. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. And when I get her home she ignores me. I am not defending what the babys mom did. My partner is the light of his life. I would hate for it to be the opposite. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. She gets hysterical if I take her off him. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. Best of luck. I think you do have a problem. And Im 14!! i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. Position ( e.g all my sons life or the other hand, are most likely very... 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Factor carries the most weight in their decision silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling separation.... Get her home she wants the best for her or were all our babies C-sections, thinking... First nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been there for her daughter, i.e have been all my life... Their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed fortune on psychotherapy self-. Sometimes it seems like i dont even compare to grandma to help us both my mom defending what babys... Time to bond with a baby is a fresh start to try to fix this not! Depressed when our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements about the that... Lost her job and is at home mom so Im with her.! She slept with my caretaker before i got home to take a bottle to! ; breckenridge mn high school ; baby rejecting mom after going back to work kiss, hug or with! Work ( weekdays ) were always there 4her, either in person via. 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Stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to grandma to help us both my mom moved and!
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